Why do some days seem so full of joy and optimism, and other days feel so down and gloomy? It’s been one of those weeks where the heights of victory have crashed to the lows of defeat. I feel like I just caught the perfect wave only to be crushed in the whitewater gasping for air.
Jesus, I feel like running away from it all sometimes. I feel like drawing into my own realm of self loathing, but You call me out. There is nowhere for me to run. I know I am not alone, but why do I want to be alone? Since You are my creator Lord, why am I so full of imperfections? When I long to be in control of all things, I am painfully reminded how many things are out of my hands.
You speak to me through all things. I was on Facebook today and a friend of mine posted a scripture verse about You. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
I’m sorry it’s so difficult for me to let go of my own understanding.
I know sometimes it takes the cloudy days to help us appreciate the sunny ones. I still hate the cloudy days though God.
Whatever it means Lord, I’m giving it all to You. It’s hard for a guy like me, but it’s all I can do. Let Your will be done in my life.