God is good. Even when things feel bad. It never ceases to amaze me what an ocean this life is. The rising tide feels like it is going to drown us at times and then the season changes and the sunset turns the water into liquid gold, showering us with warmth. My life has felt like a boat on the sea these past two years. I find myself internalizing things a bit more. Falling deep into my meditative void that stops making sense after a while.
The past couple of years have had me questioning God’s plan for us here in Colorado. I miss our life in San Diego. We had tons of friends. Between Julie and I, we made enough money to live comfortably and enjoy life. While God continues to provide for us here, it feels like we are barely scraping together enough to pay the bills at times. Our network of friends is gone and I feel like there are days when I pretend to be happy when inside I am growing increasingly bitter about our situation.
Then the tide changes. I wake up in the morning and see a sky full of fire lit clouds reflect their glory on the expansive mountains. I take a sip of my coffee, breathe in the clean crisp air, and stretch out my arms towards the sky. I look back on my house with 1,000 bikes in the garage and see my son waving goodbye to me so I can head into the office. My wife smiles. At lunch I put on my running shoes and head up into the unpopulated mountain trails for a run. I see a few deer eating grass as a cruise by. I am at peace and blessed.
Why is it so difficult to be happy at times and then wake up the next day totally at rest? God, why is it so hard to trust that You have a plan in all of this?
We recently found a church to attend that is helping me hit the reset button. Another group of messy people just like me. Doubts, imperfection and brokenness all made whole by the grace of Jesus. “We are a church that welcomes home prodigals,” the pastor says. “You are welcome here, and we are a place of love.”
This experience in Colorado has me believing that God does not wants his people to be comfortable. Being comfortable leads to being complacent. I see it in my past life in San Diego. When the weather is always perfect, the days run into months and run into years and it is harder to see the big picture in front of us. Seasons create a state of constant change, and force you to adapt—and move….
God is working on me there. Looking back on my life, there is no reason to believe that God doesn’t know what He is doing in my life. I need to roll with it like a surfer sitting out past the breaks. I know my divine wave will come and I will paddle hard. I’ll connect with it, stand up and experience pure ecstasy as I ride towards shore –or- I’ll fall down and swallow some water and paddle back out. One thing I do know is that there is a plan, but for now I need to connect with this moment and KNOW that God is with me and have faith that right here and now is where He wants me to be.
God is good.
James 1:6 ; But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.